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Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them. ~Unknown

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. ~Gracie Allen

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. ~Dick Cavett

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ~Dave Barry

Don't you wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence? There's one marked 'Brightness', but it doesn't work. ~Gallagher

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. ~Mel Brooks

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. ~David Brenner

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.~Oscar Wilde

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.~Oscar Wilde

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.~Oscar Wilde

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.~Oscar Wilde

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.~Oscar Wilde

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.~Oscar Wilde

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.~Oscar Wilde

I can resist anything but temptation.~Oscar Wilde

We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. ~Oscar Wilde